It’s all about context.

// June 5th, 2007 // Brain Dump

While watching a woman walk her dog, I was reminded of a conversation I had back a few months ago with Colleen, about context in typical situations. The gist of the conversation was that scenes in life taken out of context, can be the difference between being a protector and being a rapist or pervert.

Men today, have a rough go of it in the world. By our own hands we start wars, we fill the prisons, and we are the first to come to mind when horrible things are done. When you read the newspapers, or turn on the news, it’s filled with men doing inhumane things around the world, and Hollywood starlets getting drunk on their own (alleged) success. We have the odd victory story to keep us from jumping off our roofs, yet are inundated with the starlets for entertainment, and men committing the acts that only this species is capable of and doing it in great numbers.

Now on the flip-side, we also have men who don’t do this, yet are at times, guilty by association. Like it or not, that is the way it is in today’s ‘modern’ times. Don’t believe me? Try this:

Who comes to mind, male, or female, when you think of the following:

rapist
murderer
bank robber
con artist
dictator
terrorist
pedophile
executioner

I’m guessing that ‘female’ didn’t come up very often when going through that list…

At this point, I think we need to be clear that the purpose of this particular post is not to debate, or seek pity for the association, or to somehow gloss over “the bad stuff”. We know there are those who do these things (yes, there are women too), and yet there is the other group which doesn’t do these things and needs to remind the world that they still exist.

Getting back to me watching a woman walk her dog, it is context which keeps us associated with ‘those who do bad things’. It was in the wee hours of the morning, about 1am, when I stepped out onto our balcony to escape the heat which had built up in the apartment. I had been out there about 10s when a woman and her little dog appeared below, out for a final marking of the territory before calling it quits for the night. Typically there are in fact many people out and about the apartment property, however, tonight there wasn’t anyone in sight.

From the route she and ‘Sparky’ had taken, I could tell that they had reached the half way point of the midnight wander, and I thought about walking back inside the apartment.

Now here is where context comes into play:

For someone observing this, they would notice that I do not retreat back inside, yet shift further down the balcony so that the woman can still be seen.

So thanks to certain members of society, the first thought that comes to mind ISN’T that perhaps it would not do well to lose sight of a woman out late at night, alone, near a forest, in an area which had a murder about 1000′ away about a month and a half ago – no, the first thought that comes to mind is that I’m likely lusting after this woman and am being led by something other than my brain…

I have a wife. A mother. A sister. A niece. I also know other people who have similar. I don’t want anything to happen to them, and because I am able to have that thought, it spills over into not wanting anything to happen to someone else’s wife, mother, sister, or niece.

Perhaps I stayed out on the balcony and watched for anything which might seem out of place while the woman finished walking her dog. I might have even become more alert when the dog began barking at the woods – true, it was likely a critter of some sort that the little football-sized “dog” was ready to tear apart, however, we don’t really know for sure do we?

Another great example of context involves little kids on the sidewalk – careful, I warned you about those thoughts! There are times when I find myself driving through subdivisions going somewhere or other, and invariably, there are one or two kids out wandering alone when really, they shouldn’t be. For me, I take notice. I look at the kid(s) and have a look at their face. I look at how tall they are and what they’re wearing. I ALSO take note of any cars parked in the street and look to see what the closest intersection is.

Why? Simple. Have you ever seen a missing child report and not recognized them? Sure, it happens all the time, yet can you say for a fact that you didn’t see them the day before walking down the street alone? You might have seen them out of the corner of your eye as you drove by and you glanced over to make sure they weren’t about to run out in front of your car chasing a ball like the signs tell us happen.

The challenge with this scenario is that the whole thing can too easily be taken out of context, flipped completely around, and suddenly, I’m a child stalking pedophile. It’s a bit scary, isn’t it?

What’s sad is that it even comes down to the simplest things that we do every day. Take for example, a man, a woman, and an elevator:

A woman is waiting for the elevator to arrive. A man arrives because he too wishes to change vertical locations. The doors open, the man allows the woman to enter first because he is in fact, a gentleman, yet triggers THOUGHT ONE: “Is he stalking me?”

Doors close, the woman selects her floor, and the man appears to be going to the same floor – THOUGHT TWO: “What if he is?”

The lifting device arrives at it’s requested height, the doors open, and the man now has one hell of a decision to make: either be a jerk and ensure that he gets out first, or, be a gentleman and allow her to exit first possibly raising further alarm and stress. The best part is that now you both exit the elevator, she first (because your mother raised you right!), he next, and they both turn to walk the same direction down the hallway… What do you think runs through her mind (very quickly) when he passes behind her because she reaches her apartment first and he has to continue further down the hall? I can assure you that it doesn’t involve puppies or fluffy bunnies. It involves the things you see on the 11pm news and thank god it wasn’t you or anyone you know.

And for what? Because someone’s husband happened to arrive home at the same time as a single young woman who just moved into the building, and hasn’t had a chance to meet her neighbor yet? Who, I might add, would like this person to actually feel safe when arriving home and not have to wonder if she is going to become a story at 11pm.
Now, is the woman out walking her dog likely do be dragged off into the woods by an assailant? I like to think not, however, if it were my wife out walking late at night, I be greatful to know that there was at least one person keeping a eye on the situation – or even watching out for my kids as they walk to the store to buy whatever it is that kids buy these days.

Thanks to a certain percentage of our society there are now certain “realities” that must be addressed, however, there are some that believe in the decency of humanity and will continue to strive to be the exact opposite of that which allows it to become lower on the priority list.

Popularity: 80% [?]

12 Responses to “It’s all about context.”

Valeria Maltoni says:

June 5, 2007 at 1:26 pm

I must admit this write up had me stumped, there is a lot realism, albeit some of the fictional kind. TV statistics tend to be so exaggerated that if we really thought of it we would never go out, again. Yet, we seem to be always predicting the wrong outcomes. I did a whole post on the narrative fallacy based upon Taleb’s The Black Swan a few weeks ago.
William Tully says:

June 5, 2007 at 2:14 pm

Love it or hate it, right or wrong, TV, and specifically news, does dramatically impact the views of society.

I think the big shame is that the ‘negative’ sides to the examples I cited are NOT completely out to lunch, and the critical part is the context.

(Your post on The Black Swan is really one of the greats – it’s a heavy one, but well worth the time spent!)
Grimly Fiendish says:

June 8, 2007 at 2:36 am

Good post. In the U.K. the media feeding frenzy and the criminal justice system means that even the police have to be careful when arresting or dealing with women and children (chavs). Accusations of attempted rape or physical assault by law enforcement officers are rife. In such cases the accused are always guilty until proven innocent. Plus the accused are always named and shamed in the media before a verdict is reached but the accuser is not. In short ‘context’ is now a weapon.
Your post highlights one of the growing problems for society, which is that men, if wrongly accused of a sexual offence, now have a tendency to suicide as once the finger is pointed and you are named it is with you for the rest of your live regardless of verdict. People never trust the law.
Sorry about the diatribe.
William Tully says:

June 8, 2007 at 8:11 am

I’m always up for a good diatribe! AND, I completely agree with you. Where it really gets me is the fact that you NEVER, EVER, see the follow up story where the person was cleared of all charges because the kid made it all up. It doesn’t happen all the time, however, when you’re guilty until proven innocent, and you’ve gone through absolute hell to clear your name, it would be nice to see someone get the story right..

I used to teach SCUBA diving and I remember a big section of the training being how to properly grab hold of student’s equipment so that you weren’t raping or molesting them…

Seriously. There are certain times when teaching students where you must make physical contact with them (typically simply grabbing hold of some of the buoyancy compensating device so student doesn’t float away from you), however, one parent who doesn’t know what’s going on, or one woman who thinks you are groping her, and all of a sudden you’re in a world of trouble. Keep someone from being killed underwater vs. being accused of rape or molestation… Thanks, but it’s not a decision I would like to make or have made for me!
Grimly Fiendish says:

June 13, 2007 at 10:31 am

Makes you question why you should bother trying anything that involves people if you ask me. In the UK teachers are not allowed to apply sunblock to children even if the child refuses to apply it itself. The threat of prosecution for molestation means they will sit and watch a child burn rather than help. A friend of mine is a refuse collector (bin man.) One of the jobs he had to do was to go and clear up the broken glass/litter and dog muck from the junior school playground (nice world we live in). The council now insist that the children are taken inside before the grounds are cleaned due to accusations made against an employee. The accusation was “he was looking at my daughter funny. I dont trust him.” The accused was posted elsewhere in the county.
I just wonder if this kind of thing has a social breaking point. If it does, I want to be their when it hits the fan.
stiltz says:

June 13, 2007 at 1:07 pm

This subject is so broad and eats away at every principle of a reasoned society.
I’ve recently returned to the UK after 15 years away and the levels of Political Correctness that apply here are an absolute joke.
The Government were asking recently why the levels of politeness had so noticeably decreased in this society and the answer for me is blatant – people are scared to breath in the wrong direction for some stupid ‘bint’ making a furore.
I pride myself on being one of the scruffiest bastards to walk the face of the earth and I love it when I take my four angelic looking children to the local park – the eyes follow me everywhere.
In one way it’s safeguarding my kids and in another way, it’s moronic!
William Tully says:

June 13, 2007 at 2:06 pm

I have to agree with you STiltz, the subject is extremely broad and because it is so, I believe, that it is why it is doing the most damage.

We have a society where people are either too afraid to act, or better yet, they just assume the worst.

Michael Dycus just did a post where a woman was being hassled by the CEO’s son, and Michael took the lad to task. It’s a brilliant post and it’s a perfect example of what needs to be done. I wonder how many people would have done nothing, or would have simply given a verbal scolding – which is about as useful as dehydrated water…

Like with Grimly, I do hope there is a backlash where common sense gets beaten into a few more people. We can’t apply sunblock to kids our frying in the sun? Heck, if it were in the USA, the teacher would either be sued for letting someones kid fry, OR, be jailed for molestation.. Protecting the innocent? Nah, doesn’t happen anymore….
Theresa111 says:

June 13, 2007 at 3:33 pm

You are so right. When I read down the list my first thought was “This is something a man does.” Albeit women also commit crimes. the men are the ones who primarily are the chief offenders. On the other hand men are the chief protectors.

When I was almost sixteen I took exam and became a lifeguard for our local swimming pool. Even though I only held that job for about ten weeks, I have been a lifeguard ever since. I cannot help it. I am always looking out for someone’s safety.

Much like you. You did the right thing watching her, although I would have told her “Since you are about and it is late, I will keep an eye on you and your dog until you return.” This would have put her at ease and you know, it’s always nice to feel like someone would come to your aid if needed.

There aren’t enough gentlemen in the world and there is too much acceptable violence on tv and in the movies. I can barely stand to watch the news or read the papers anymore. Somehow good men, like you, should bring the others round to your code of ethics and spread the word to be good men again.

One last thing. When I was growing up, Capitol Punishment was in effect. We didn’t have to worry about going missing or being harmed. It was truly liberating and almost perfect freedom. By the time I was seventeen or eighteen I started looking over my shoulder and walking faster. By 1988, the S__t hit the fan. People had guns and were using them. It is very frightening now and I urge women and men to take precautions and to be safe.

Yours is a truly excellent piece. Thank you.
William Tully says:

June 13, 2007 at 3:48 pm

Hi Theresa, and yes, I likely should have told her, however, I am a few floors up and thought it would be best not to yell at someone on the street in the middle of the night… We get enough of that for far less of occasions!

There are others like myself, our numbers are growing, and it’s now time to start making some noise before we get forgotten about and wind up lumped in with the murderers and rapists…
unwesen says:

June 19, 2007 at 3:49 am

That’s actually something I’ve been thinking about myself for a while. But my thoughts on this are a bit too jumbled to write down a coherent and short post

One thing is certain, though, and that’s that this collective paranoia dehumanizes us. I for one very deliberately (but also very carefully) try to break down barriers we don’t know we’ve built around us. Ask personal questions. Give a hug when comfort is needed, instead of words. Turn up at people’s doorstep in need, instead of calling.

It’s intrusive, and I’m sometimes making myself uncomfortable when I do this sort of thing, but if we don’t, we’ll end up being a society of loners, and thus no society at all.
Tully says:

June 19, 2007 at 7:15 am

Short post?! What are these words, and what do they mean?!

I’ve resigned to the fact that this blog will have far fewer posts than most, yet they will be longer than most posts. I figure that if it is worth writing about, then it will be written in the length that is required (and I think this one is the longest post yet).

I’m not sure if we can become a society of loners given the connectivity through technology that is available, however, the paranoia will likely increase dramatically..

“Turn up at people’s doorstep in need, instead of calling.” – that would make a great blog post!
Stefanie says:

January 27, 2008 at 11:07 am

Yes, a lot of great men do pay for the small minority of those who commit the crimes. Unfortunately, females are not that well represented either – which gender you will think of when you hear the word “victim” or “helpless”?

I have often wished that some kind of revitalization of the best traits in men would occur. Right now, the male stereotypes are all about being pigs with crazy sex-drives and being lazy couch potatoes among other things. I wish there was some sort of new movement representing some of the better traditional manly traits such as protecting others. This would give young men something to strive for instead of what is out there now.

Maybe you have started something here .

Stefanie’s last blog post..There is Nothing Good or Bad; but Thinking Makes it So